it's been 2 months since i last blogged. some might take that as a sign that i have nothing to say- but those that know me know i ALWAYS have something to say... about something...
today on my way home from work i decided it was time i blog again. but then i got home and decided that playing monopoly on my wii was a better idea. i played that stupid game for 2 hours. i realized mid way through the game how much i hated the "computerized" version of monopoly. it takes forever- and the computer always seems to win. thank goodness i didn't actually buy the game. i rented it from blockbuster- i figured that was the smart way to test out games im interested in. that way i don't spend $40 on a game that i can't stand. it's just too bad you can't rent a wii fit. im considering buying one... but just can't make a decision. i mean- do you really get a workout using it?!?
so.. in the last 2 months a lot has gone on in life. i was feeling pretty shitty for pretty much all of November. so shitty that i didn't think i was ever going to feel good again.... you know how when you get a cold and you feel like you are always going to have it? that's how i was starting to feel. i was frustrated, tired, weak, cranky, emotional.... you name it.
on December 1st or 2nd (i can't remember) i was admitted to the hospital to have a feeding tube placed in my stomach.... i was down in the creepy cold room where they do the procedure and i hear- lindsey- we won't be able to put the feeding tube in you- your liver is in the way. i remember asking the nurse if i was going to die. even though i was pretty out of it (i don't remember most of my hospital stay) i knew that i need nutrients in my body- and i wasn't able to do it by eating at that time.
i won't bore you with all the details of what went on.. but to summarize i was in the hospital for almost a week- a couple of those days were spent in ICU. my potassium dropped to a 2. (normal is between 3.5-4). the dr's actually told my parents if i was there age i probably wouldn't have pulled through all of this. i was discharged from the hospital on dec. 7th and was sent home with a tpn machine. it's kinda like an iv- but it gave me all the nutrients i needed. i spent 14 hours a day hooked up to this machine. i did this for almost 3 weeks.
skipping ahead to now.... (im feeling lazy and don't feel like typing everything...) i'm feeling pretty good. im able to eat my 3 meals a day and am able to get more fluids in then i was previously. im still not hitting my goal/recommendation of 64 ounces a day- but im trying my best. i started back at work last week. which was nice. i missed the socialization.
i must say- going through all that i have since my surgery has really showed me who my true friends are. i was pretty hurt- that i only had 1 visitor the entire time i was in the hospital and out of work- which was pretty much the entire month of december. in fact- i really didn't have any communication from my friends. a couple people called once or twice to check in- but that was about it. let me tell ya- december was a lonely month. i spose i could have made more of an effort to call people and ask them to come see me... but i guess i just felt like maybe they would just offer to do that... maybe im wrong.
well- that's all i have the patience to write for now. im kinda tired, cold and really just want to read a book with my little space heater on. oh- i should add i might even be a little cranky right now! :)
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
not moving
well. im happy today. i don't have to move. i decided (well kind of) that if obama didn't win i was going to move to canada. canada is nice and all- but everything i've ever known is right here in good ol minnesota.... to be honest though.. the thought of moving is still in my head- but in the way back and just in a tiny part i rarely use. and ONLY because they get kick ass vacation time. example: if i had a baby- i could get a year off of work. a year- an entire year. can you imagine? i know having a kid is work (well not personally- but so i hear). but just not having to go to a job everyday for a year sounds appealing to me.
oh- i have to tell this really quick- then i won't talk about the election and how happy i am that obama won anymore- well.. at least in this blog. last night my dad called my brother/ sister in laws house to say he was home from the hospital (story for another blog)... and my baby nephew.. well- he really isn't a baby- but whatever.... anyways- he gets on the phone with grandpa and starts telling him that obama is a good guy and he kept chanting it. i wanted to hear so i picked up the phone and asked him what he thought of obama.... and he actually got a little upset with me! he told me he was talking to grandpa and i needed to hang up the phone. it was so cute!! i mean- i feel bad i made him upset- but god that kid is cute. i just love him. and i love my brother and sister in law for creating him and for being such good parents.
so this morning i was brave. while i was getting ready for work and trying to find something unfrumpy to wear i decided to try on a pair of jeans i bought about 4 years ago that had always been a little tight. i put one leg in.... it seemed ok... then the other leg (my left one i must add- i always put my right leg in first... not that you really care- but im sharing it anyways). i pulled them over my "trouble spot" aka hips and by golly they fit!! not only did they fit- but they are actually loose on me! i can't tell you how many times today i've had to stand up just to pull my pants up so my crack isn't peeking out. (i hate that and i think it's gross. i hate crack).
im feeling better too. i haven't gotten sick recently- and last night i even had chinese food for dinner (from the best place in nsp!!). it was delicious! it's not really on my "menu" but i figured it looked good, then it tasted good- so whatever. the hardest part lately has been finding things that look good to me. because i still am not supposed to have bread, pasta, rice or beans or things with a membrane (ie blueberries, celery) it seems i am constantly eating the same things. and that gets boring. surgery was 9/9/08 so i guess that makes me about 8 weeks post op. only 4 more weeks until i have a little more variety in what i can eat.
well.. i spose it's that time for me to get back to work. i took a late lunch today. lately i would so much rather just work through lunch and head out a little early. i'm never hungry at lunch time anyways. but i guess there's some law that frowns upon people doing that. i think there's laws for everything... there's probably one that says while i am on lunch at work i shouldn't be blogging. i like laws. well. some of them. but some are just stupid. created by people with too much time on their hands. (probably republicans that want everyone to suffer).
i just have to say one more thing about the election. im disappointed in those that voted for bachmann. someone that spoke out of term as she did does not deserve to represent the rest of the population.
the end :)
oh- i have to tell this really quick- then i won't talk about the election and how happy i am that obama won anymore- well.. at least in this blog. last night my dad called my brother/ sister in laws house to say he was home from the hospital (story for another blog)... and my baby nephew.. well- he really isn't a baby- but whatever.... anyways- he gets on the phone with grandpa and starts telling him that obama is a good guy and he kept chanting it. i wanted to hear so i picked up the phone and asked him what he thought of obama.... and he actually got a little upset with me! he told me he was talking to grandpa and i needed to hang up the phone. it was so cute!! i mean- i feel bad i made him upset- but god that kid is cute. i just love him. and i love my brother and sister in law for creating him and for being such good parents.
so this morning i was brave. while i was getting ready for work and trying to find something unfrumpy to wear i decided to try on a pair of jeans i bought about 4 years ago that had always been a little tight. i put one leg in.... it seemed ok... then the other leg (my left one i must add- i always put my right leg in first... not that you really care- but im sharing it anyways). i pulled them over my "trouble spot" aka hips and by golly they fit!! not only did they fit- but they are actually loose on me! i can't tell you how many times today i've had to stand up just to pull my pants up so my crack isn't peeking out. (i hate that and i think it's gross. i hate crack).
im feeling better too. i haven't gotten sick recently- and last night i even had chinese food for dinner (from the best place in nsp!!). it was delicious! it's not really on my "menu" but i figured it looked good, then it tasted good- so whatever. the hardest part lately has been finding things that look good to me. because i still am not supposed to have bread, pasta, rice or beans or things with a membrane (ie blueberries, celery) it seems i am constantly eating the same things. and that gets boring. surgery was 9/9/08 so i guess that makes me about 8 weeks post op. only 4 more weeks until i have a little more variety in what i can eat.
well.. i spose it's that time for me to get back to work. i took a late lunch today. lately i would so much rather just work through lunch and head out a little early. i'm never hungry at lunch time anyways. but i guess there's some law that frowns upon people doing that. i think there's laws for everything... there's probably one that says while i am on lunch at work i shouldn't be blogging. i like laws. well. some of them. but some are just stupid. created by people with too much time on their hands. (probably republicans that want everyone to suffer).
i just have to say one more thing about the election. im disappointed in those that voted for bachmann. someone that spoke out of term as she did does not deserve to represent the rest of the population.
the end :)
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
a little trip..... to the e.r
i finally know why nobody ever really brags about having surgery. it's a lot tougher then you think. i know nobody said it would be easy- but nobody really said it would be this hard either.
i'd been doing.... ok i guess. i've been having problems getting all my liquids in and also eating. nothing looks good, nothing tastes good and certain things actually make me feel sick when i think about them .... and the things that sound good- i can't have... (like hot dogs- which i must add i used to hate...now i crave them). i've also pretty much sucked at taking my pills.... i wish i had a really good excuse... but i don't... it's just laziness i think. well.. not all just because of laziness... in part because nothing tastes/looks good. and because of that i felt like i didn't have anything to take them with....... i know this probably sounds stupid- but i don't know how else to describe it.
my parents and brother and sister (in law- but i consider her more of a sister..but that's another story... she's pretty amazing!) were pretty concerned so they called my surgeon and explained what was going on.... she suggested that i go to the e.r and have a metabolic profile done. i was hesitant at first... but i knew i hadn't been feeling good and haven't been getting my liquids/foods in and just feeling kinda down and out lately... so about 8ish i decided to go. i learned that if i ever need to go to the er again i want to go to st. joe's.... NOTHING like st johns- we didn't have to sit there for 6 hours before we were called back into a room and then wait another 2 hours just to see a dr. anyways.. i like to ramble.... i got back to a room and the dr was in almost right away- he had already talked to my surgeon and was aware of what was going on... they hooked me up to an iv and did some blood work. turns out my potassium levels were low. so i had to drink this horrible orange stuff.... the thought of it now makes me cringe.... after i drank that and my iv was done he sent me home with a prescription for more of the lovely orange potassium and a pill for nausea.
the next day i went down to my clinic and met with another one of the dr's. we talked about what was going on and what i could/should be doing. i cried. (i do that a lot lately). but i felt a little better... and a little more encouraged that i could get through this..
i feel bad for my family... i get so frustrated with them because nobody has gone through this surgery... they can empathize- but they just don't know what i'm going through.... i don't mean to get frustrated with them... but i do. hopefully they know how much i love them and how much i appreciate everything they are doing and have said to me to help me get through this... the dr suggested i go to the monthly post op support groups. i admitted to the dr that i really had no interest in going- but i also knew that it would probably help. im just such a baby i hate doing things like that alone.
i'm feeling a little better. not a ton... but at least it's a little. i'm trying really hard to get myself onto a schedule for my medicine and i am trying to always be drinking something. i've even started eating.... right now my meal of choice is string cheese and a little part of a baked potato.
that's about it for an update.... there's more- but i have a habit of giving more details then are needed.... and i don't think anyone wants to read about me barfing on saturday...... if you are interested in that story let me know... i can email it to you or if enough people request it i can blog about it.... but it isn't pretty.
well... i gotta finish my ever so delicious orange potassium drink and then go swish with mouthwash... even the after taste of this stuff is horrible.
i'd been doing.... ok i guess. i've been having problems getting all my liquids in and also eating. nothing looks good, nothing tastes good and certain things actually make me feel sick when i think about them .... and the things that sound good- i can't have... (like hot dogs- which i must add i used to hate...now i crave them). i've also pretty much sucked at taking my pills.... i wish i had a really good excuse... but i don't... it's just laziness i think. well.. not all just because of laziness... in part because nothing tastes/looks good. and because of that i felt like i didn't have anything to take them with....... i know this probably sounds stupid- but i don't know how else to describe it.
my parents and brother and sister (in law- but i consider her more of a sister..but that's another story... she's pretty amazing!) were pretty concerned so they called my surgeon and explained what was going on.... she suggested that i go to the e.r and have a metabolic profile done. i was hesitant at first... but i knew i hadn't been feeling good and haven't been getting my liquids/foods in and just feeling kinda down and out lately... so about 8ish i decided to go. i learned that if i ever need to go to the er again i want to go to st. joe's.... NOTHING like st johns- we didn't have to sit there for 6 hours before we were called back into a room and then wait another 2 hours just to see a dr. anyways.. i like to ramble.... i got back to a room and the dr was in almost right away- he had already talked to my surgeon and was aware of what was going on... they hooked me up to an iv and did some blood work. turns out my potassium levels were low. so i had to drink this horrible orange stuff.... the thought of it now makes me cringe.... after i drank that and my iv was done he sent me home with a prescription for more of the lovely orange potassium and a pill for nausea.
the next day i went down to my clinic and met with another one of the dr's. we talked about what was going on and what i could/should be doing. i cried. (i do that a lot lately). but i felt a little better... and a little more encouraged that i could get through this..
i feel bad for my family... i get so frustrated with them because nobody has gone through this surgery... they can empathize- but they just don't know what i'm going through.... i don't mean to get frustrated with them... but i do. hopefully they know how much i love them and how much i appreciate everything they are doing and have said to me to help me get through this... the dr suggested i go to the monthly post op support groups. i admitted to the dr that i really had no interest in going- but i also knew that it would probably help. im just such a baby i hate doing things like that alone.
i'm feeling a little better. not a ton... but at least it's a little. i'm trying really hard to get myself onto a schedule for my medicine and i am trying to always be drinking something. i've even started eating.... right now my meal of choice is string cheese and a little part of a baked potato.
that's about it for an update.... there's more- but i have a habit of giving more details then are needed.... and i don't think anyone wants to read about me barfing on saturday...... if you are interested in that story let me know... i can email it to you or if enough people request it i can blog about it.... but it isn't pretty.
well... i gotta finish my ever so delicious orange potassium drink and then go swish with mouthwash... even the after taste of this stuff is horrible.
Friday, September 26, 2008
quick
this is going to be short and sweet as i feel as though i might throw up at any moment. i made a mistake today.. not on purpose either... i have been wanting to go to como for the last week or so.. so i made plans with my sister in law and nephew to go today... that was a mistake. it was lots of fun and i love como and spending time with the 2 of them... but it was just too much walking and heat for me to deal with.... so here i sit.. wondering if i am going to throw up... and if i'll ever feel normal again... i know.. im a bit dramatic- but seriously i haven't felt good in a few days now and this was just the icing on the cake i think.....
anyways.. i had my post op dr appointment on wednesday. i was going to blog sooner- but i wanted to touch base with my boss and a couple other people before i let the cat out of the bag!
my dr was really impressed with how my incisions are healing and even more impressed that since surgery (2 weeks ago) i've lost 20 pounds! she said normally she see's about 10-15 in her patients 2 weeks after. given all of the good news- she gave me the ok to go back to work starting monday... i'm excited- kinda.. i mean im ready for the social interaction and to have something to keep me busy during the day.. but also really nervous.... i really don't want to get sick or have to deal with stupid people...
well... i can explain more later.. but for now i need to get some protein into my body and rest for a bit.... oh- i guess that's another exciting piece of info i should share... i have graduated to pureed foods now... it sounded good while i was on my liquids... but trust me it's not delicious....
ok... im getting cranky. time to go for reals this time!!!!!!
til next time..
anyways.. i had my post op dr appointment on wednesday. i was going to blog sooner- but i wanted to touch base with my boss and a couple other people before i let the cat out of the bag!
my dr was really impressed with how my incisions are healing and even more impressed that since surgery (2 weeks ago) i've lost 20 pounds! she said normally she see's about 10-15 in her patients 2 weeks after. given all of the good news- she gave me the ok to go back to work starting monday... i'm excited- kinda.. i mean im ready for the social interaction and to have something to keep me busy during the day.. but also really nervous.... i really don't want to get sick or have to deal with stupid people...
well... i can explain more later.. but for now i need to get some protein into my body and rest for a bit.... oh- i guess that's another exciting piece of info i should share... i have graduated to pureed foods now... it sounded good while i was on my liquids... but trust me it's not delicious....
ok... im getting cranky. time to go for reals this time!!!!!!
til next time..
Sunday, September 21, 2008
blank distraction
i've been staring at the screen for a few minutes now trying to think of how i want to start this blog... nothing is coming to me...
i guess i got distracted while thinking of what i wanted to blog about... i was on facebook and i came across some people i would have graduated with had we not moved. i started looking at their pages to see what they were up to- and an ex boyfriend of a good friend of mine recently lost a friend.... i always become curious when someone "young" dies.. it just doesn't seem... planned i guess. so i went onto star tribunes webpage... and i noticed- that in order to get to the obits you have to go through the classified section. i would really like it if someone could explain the rationale behind this...... it just doesn't seem right- classifed to me is looking for something more materialistic.. ie a car, pet.. hell even a job. regardless of how you find it- its sad when people my age die. i always think of the things they probably missed out on doing.
i got to see a friend from work today. she always makes me happy. she's so positive, honest, caring, funny... i really admire her. i always feel like a better person when i'm around her!! thanks again linda for EVERYTHING!! you're the best!
well... i actually feel kinda sleepy.... im thirsty too- nothing sounds good though...... oh! only a few days left of liquids only!! i am so excited!!! it's going to be so weird to have something with some substance.
oh.. one more thing... is anyone else watching the biggest loser? im just curious as to why anyone would name their child heba... is there a special meaning behind it? im sorry- thats mean.. but i really dont like her name...
*yawn* ok.. im heading up to bed.
i guess i got distracted while thinking of what i wanted to blog about... i was on facebook and i came across some people i would have graduated with had we not moved. i started looking at their pages to see what they were up to- and an ex boyfriend of a good friend of mine recently lost a friend.... i always become curious when someone "young" dies.. it just doesn't seem... planned i guess. so i went onto star tribunes webpage... and i noticed- that in order to get to the obits you have to go through the classified section. i would really like it if someone could explain the rationale behind this...... it just doesn't seem right- classifed to me is looking for something more materialistic.. ie a car, pet.. hell even a job. regardless of how you find it- its sad when people my age die. i always think of the things they probably missed out on doing.
i got to see a friend from work today. she always makes me happy. she's so positive, honest, caring, funny... i really admire her. i always feel like a better person when i'm around her!! thanks again linda for EVERYTHING!! you're the best!
well... i actually feel kinda sleepy.... im thirsty too- nothing sounds good though...... oh! only a few days left of liquids only!! i am so excited!!! it's going to be so weird to have something with some substance.
oh.. one more thing... is anyone else watching the biggest loser? im just curious as to why anyone would name their child heba... is there a special meaning behind it? im sorry- thats mean.. but i really dont like her name...
*yawn* ok.. im heading up to bed.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
3:20
here it is 3:20am and guess who is having problems going to sleep again. i seriously hate this feeling of being tired.. but unable to sleep. i've never had a problem sleeping before- ever. i could sleep anywhere anytime before my surgery... it's so frustrating to want to go to sleep at a reasonable hour so that i can get up early.. and not be able too.
i just finished watching the movie "prom night". and i hate to admit this... but it actually kinda freaked me out. i rented it from netflix thinking it was going to be really stupid.. i know- who rents a movie for that reason.. but i wanted to at least check it out. whatever...
ok. well my stupid battery is dying again... and for some reason the plug in thing only works when my computer is off and on a flat surface... annoying. maybe i should have purchased a new pc instead of a new tv and a wii.. (although- i don't know if i am keeping the wii... i feel slightly guilty spending that much money..... however, if someone wanted to buy my ps2 and all the games and stuff from me... i could justify keeping the wii... hint hint hint)
im off to find something to entertain me until i fall asleep. maybe i'll read the dictionary- it'll kill time and maybe improve my spelling.....
i just finished watching the movie "prom night". and i hate to admit this... but it actually kinda freaked me out. i rented it from netflix thinking it was going to be really stupid.. i know- who rents a movie for that reason.. but i wanted to at least check it out. whatever...
ok. well my stupid battery is dying again... and for some reason the plug in thing only works when my computer is off and on a flat surface... annoying. maybe i should have purchased a new pc instead of a new tv and a wii.. (although- i don't know if i am keeping the wii... i feel slightly guilty spending that much money..... however, if someone wanted to buy my ps2 and all the games and stuff from me... i could justify keeping the wii... hint hint hint)
im off to find something to entertain me until i fall asleep. maybe i'll read the dictionary- it'll kill time and maybe improve my spelling.....
Thursday, September 18, 2008
naughty naughty
so. i kinda figured i'd suck at this whole writing a blog everyday. but i truly have good reason!!
things had been going pretty well since surgery. my pain was tolerable (of course i still had to complain about it though... because any amount of pain to me is not ok). i have finally started to feel as though i don't have a rubber ball bouncing around inside of me.
on the downside... this last week i have suddenly lost all ability to fall asleep. the earliest i have fallen asleep in the last week is 4am. the latest was 9am (which i had to get up for a 1130am apt.). it sucks.. im miserable. there's nothing to do that late at night- don't get me wrong... there are some great "classic" shows on late at night.. but there is only so much tv a person can watch. i've played so much snood on my ds that i can pretty much win every level without even looking. i've wanted to paint... but my paints are too heavy for me to lift on my own... so usually i end up just thinking......
some of the things i've been pondering are.....
1) can someone truly have a neutral view on the political race?
my answer is no. maybe i am thinking too much about this.. but i mean either mccain or obama must believe in something that a quote "neutral" person would agree with... right?
2) i am constantly thinking about something i want to learn about.... but nothing ever seems to satisfy what i'm looking for. i thought maybe i wanted to learn spanish.. that passed very quickly when i remembered what hell it was in high school. then i think i want to learn how to do something- but what? i love writing.. but i hate the idea of reading a book to write. i'd rather just write what i want, when i want to and do it how i want to. (notice the lack of capitalization and horrible punctuation).
ahhh crap. my battery is about to die... and the stupid charger wont work.... i'll have to finish this later. sorry ya'll!
things had been going pretty well since surgery. my pain was tolerable (of course i still had to complain about it though... because any amount of pain to me is not ok). i have finally started to feel as though i don't have a rubber ball bouncing around inside of me.
on the downside... this last week i have suddenly lost all ability to fall asleep. the earliest i have fallen asleep in the last week is 4am. the latest was 9am (which i had to get up for a 1130am apt.). it sucks.. im miserable. there's nothing to do that late at night- don't get me wrong... there are some great "classic" shows on late at night.. but there is only so much tv a person can watch. i've played so much snood on my ds that i can pretty much win every level without even looking. i've wanted to paint... but my paints are too heavy for me to lift on my own... so usually i end up just thinking......
some of the things i've been pondering are.....
1) can someone truly have a neutral view on the political race?
my answer is no. maybe i am thinking too much about this.. but i mean either mccain or obama must believe in something that a quote "neutral" person would agree with... right?
2) i am constantly thinking about something i want to learn about.... but nothing ever seems to satisfy what i'm looking for. i thought maybe i wanted to learn spanish.. that passed very quickly when i remembered what hell it was in high school. then i think i want to learn how to do something- but what? i love writing.. but i hate the idea of reading a book to write. i'd rather just write what i want, when i want to and do it how i want to. (notice the lack of capitalization and horrible punctuation).
ahhh crap. my battery is about to die... and the stupid charger wont work.... i'll have to finish this later. sorry ya'll!
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