quick

this is going to be short and sweet as i feel as though i might throw up at any moment. i made a mistake today.. not on purpose either... i have been wanting to go to como for the last week or so.. so i made plans with my sister in law and nephew to go today... that was a mistake. it was lots of fun and i love como and spending time with the 2 of them... but it was just too much walking and heat for me to deal with.... so here i sit.. wondering if i am going to throw up... and if i'll ever feel normal again... i know.. im a bit dramatic- but seriously i haven't felt good in a few days now and this was just the icing on the cake i think.....

anyways.. i had my post op dr appointment on wednesday. i was going to blog sooner- but i wanted to touch base with my boss and a couple other people before i let the cat out of the bag!

my dr was really impressed with how my incisions are healing and even more impressed that since surgery (2 weeks ago) i've lost 20 pounds! she said normally she see's about 10-15 in her patients 2 weeks after. given all of the good news- she gave me the ok to go back to work starting monday... i'm excited- kinda.. i mean im ready for the social interaction and to have something to keep me busy during the day.. but also really nervous.... i really don't want to get sick or have to deal with stupid people...

well... i can explain more later.. but for now i need to get some protein into my body and rest for a bit.... oh- i guess that's another exciting piece of info i should share... i have graduated to pureed foods now... it sounded good while i was on my liquids... but trust me it's not delicious....

ok... im getting cranky. time to go for reals this time!!!!!!

til next time..

blank distraction

i've been staring at the screen for a few minutes now trying to think of how i want to start this blog... nothing is coming to me...

i guess i got distracted while thinking of what i wanted to blog about... i was on facebook and i came across some people i would have graduated with had we not moved. i started looking at their pages to see what they were up to- and an ex boyfriend of a good friend of mine recently lost a friend.... i always become curious when someone "young" dies.. it just doesn't seem... planned i guess. so i went onto star tribunes webpage... and i noticed- that in order to get to the obits you have to go through the classified section. i would really like it if someone could explain the rationale behind this...... it just doesn't seem right- classifed to me is looking for something more materialistic.. ie a car, pet.. hell even a job. regardless of how you find it- its sad when people my age die. i always think of the things they probably missed out on doing.

i got to see a friend from work today. she always makes me happy. she's so positive, honest, caring, funny... i really admire her. i always feel like a better person when i'm around her!! thanks again linda for EVERYTHING!! you're the best!

well... i actually feel kinda sleepy.... im thirsty too- nothing sounds good though...... oh! only a few days left of liquids only!! i am so excited!!! it's going to be so weird to have something with some substance.

oh.. one more thing... is anyone else watching the biggest loser? im just curious as to why anyone would name their child heba... is there a special meaning behind it? im sorry- thats mean.. but i really dont like her name...

*yawn* ok.. im heading up to bed.

3:20

here it is 3:20am and guess who is having problems going to sleep again. i seriously hate this feeling of being tired.. but unable to sleep. i've never had a problem sleeping before- ever. i could sleep anywhere anytime before my surgery... it's so frustrating to want to go to sleep at a reasonable hour so that i can get up early.. and not be able too.

i just finished watching the movie "prom night". and i hate to admit this... but it actually kinda freaked me out. i rented it from netflix thinking it was going to be really stupid.. i know- who rents a movie for that reason.. but i wanted to at least check it out. whatever...

ok. well my stupid battery is dying again... and for some reason the plug in thing only works when my computer is off and on a flat surface... annoying. maybe i should have purchased a new pc instead of a new tv and a wii.. (although- i don't know if i am keeping the wii... i feel slightly guilty spending that much money..... however, if someone wanted to buy my ps2 and all the games and stuff from me... i could justify keeping the wii... hint hint hint)

im off to find something to entertain me until i fall asleep. maybe i'll read the dictionary- it'll kill time and maybe improve my spelling.....

naughty naughty

so. i kinda figured i'd suck at this whole writing a blog everyday. but i truly have good reason!!

things had been going pretty well since surgery. my pain was tolerable (of course i still had to complain about it though... because any amount of pain to me is not ok). i have finally started to feel as though i don't have a rubber ball bouncing around inside of me.

on the downside... this last week i have suddenly lost all ability to fall asleep. the earliest i have fallen asleep in the last week is 4am. the latest was 9am (which i had to get up for a 1130am apt.). it sucks.. im miserable. there's nothing to do that late at night- don't get me wrong... there are some great "classic" shows on late at night.. but there is only so much tv a person can watch. i've played so much snood on my ds that i can pretty much win every level without even looking. i've wanted to paint... but my paints are too heavy for me to lift on my own... so usually i end up just thinking......

some of the things i've been pondering are.....

1) can someone truly have a neutral view on the political race?
my answer is no. maybe i am thinking too much about this.. but i mean either mccain or obama must believe in something that a quote "neutral" person would agree with... right?

2) i am constantly thinking about something i want to learn about.... but nothing ever seems to satisfy what i'm looking for. i thought maybe i wanted to learn spanish.. that passed very quickly when i remembered what hell it was in high school. then i think i want to learn how to do something- but what? i love writing.. but i hate the idea of reading a book to write. i'd rather just write what i want, when i want to and do it how i want to. (notice the lack of capitalization and horrible punctuation).

ahhh crap. my battery is about to die... and the stupid charger wont work.... i'll have to finish this later. sorry ya'll!

cranky

for some reason i'm a little cranky today... maybe it's because im still on all liquids... maybe it's because i am really weak... maybe its because i took a pain pill last night. who knows.

i couldn't get comfortable anywhere last night... except for our "quiet room" couch. this is where i've been sleeping ever since i got home. last night i was determined to sleep in my own bed... with my own cofy comforter... i lasted 2 hours- and that was only because i was trying to catch up on my tv shows ive missed. finally about midnight i moved downstairs and took a pain pill... i fell asleep shortly after and didn't wake up until 10 this morning.

i've felt super weak all day. it sucks... i know i should be up walking around... i just don't have the energy. my parents have been trying to encourage me today- but that just makes me more cranky. thank goodness my mom had some errands to run and the gopher football game was on... this meant no mom bugging me about doing stuff for a couple hours and my dad would be too busy watching the game or sleeping to bug me! haha

needless to say my dad fell asleep... which was a great reason for me to take a snooze too! i woke up and walked out to get the mail... that actually made me happy because i had 2 new magazines to read. cosmo and marie claire. i could live without marie claire- but i love cosmo. i love how trashy it is. it makes me laugh.

anyways... it's time to set my buzzer thing to make me drink fluids.. and im cold.

xoxoxx

ouch...

generic title... i wanted to put ouch... there are little men inside of me kicking me and pinching me and sometimes using swords on me.....

man... i realized after i came out of surgery how naive i was about my surgery. i really thought the first day would suck.. and then i'd be fine. that i'd be able to finally watch all the netflix movies in my que, i'd do some painting... i even thought i'd have friends over to hang out. as of this moment.. i have yet to do any of that.

surgery went well... i even got pictures of my liver! my surgeon was really pleased with how everything went. they didn't have to cut me open- thank goodness! that was actually the first thing i remember saying when i was in recovery... nobody was next to me but i just kept repeating "did they cut me open". finally a nurse must have heard me and answered my question. i dont remember a whole lot from the day of surgery...however, i remember at one point flicking off katie when my parents encouraged her to take pictures of me.. sorry katie!

sorry i haven't been very good about calling/texting anyone back. i've just been so tired and in a lot of pain. thanks for all the encouragement!! even though i haven't been able to express it very well i do really appreciate it!

i'll try to write more later... its time to do a few more laps around the house and then i need to start drinking (don't worry- just water, kool aid and maybe some jello). i dont always have my phone on me.. it depends on where i have ended up in the house- so please don't feel like i'm avoiding you if i dont answer.

until later--
xoxoxx

t'was the night before.....

it's 11 o'clock. in just 7 short hours i will be heading to the hospital........

i've wanted this for 2 years... and it's finally here. and so is the realization that my life will never be the same. what a crazy feeling... so often my life has changed- but most of the time it's been things that are out of my control. this- is something that i have complete control over.

as of right now i am pretty clam. im also feeling really strong and positive. i have amazing people in my life supporting me, i have a great medical team taking care of me and i have a new life waiting for me. while i have so many people supporting me through this- there are a couple people in my life that haven't been as supportive and concerned for my well being as i had hoped. (Mom- if you're reading this... you may want to close your eyes for this part) for those that fall into that category- i'd like to say a great big "fuck you"!! please don't take that the wrong way... i wish nothing bad on these people... im just ready to move on..... im not sure if these individuals even know who they are- as they tend to be to wrapped up in their own lives. that was me venting about some negative people in my life... now i've vented... and now im moving on... if this surgery has taught me one "life lesson" so far... it's that i don't need people in my life just to say i have people in my life. i don't want to keep people in my life if they can't accept my decisions and support me or disagree with my decisions but still support me. so from this moment on.. instead of getting upset and venting- i am just going to let it go.

i keep typing.. and erasing... typing and erasing.... which is probably the reason it took me 40 minutes to write this blog! and i didn't even write everything i thought about or wanted to write! i won't be able to blog tomorrow on how things went... but i am taking a journal with me. once i am home and feeling up to it i will put some of my thoughts from the day of surgery on here.

well... here i go- onto my new life!!

xoxox
lou

vintage

today's saturday... that means tuesday is getting closer... don't get me wrong- i am so excited for my new life- but part of me is scared to. my life is literally going to be changing overnight. yea sure i've been preparing for this for a very long time.... but preparing and having it change are 2 very different things. i know i can do it though. i mean i've already gone almost 3 weeks on a liquid diet. if one can survive that- that can do anything...... right?

today was an ideal fall day. i slept in and woke up nice and toasty warm in bed. i then proceeded to watch this salon takeover show on a&e. finally about 1' o'clock katie and i decided to go on an adventure today. our only planned destination was a vintage store in mpls called rewind and a boutique in NSP. obviously since NSP is so close we started there. it was a cool sale... and they had some really nice cheap furniture i wanted to buy- but i didn't because i have nowhere to store it right now. boo!!!! rewind was our next stop. we had attempted to go to this store 1 other time... but by the time we found it they were closed. it was seriously the coolest vintage store i've ever been in!! it was soo clean and they had some really awesome stuff. i found this cream colored sparrow pin and spent the entire hour we were in the store debating on if i should spend $10 on it or not. i ended up not buying it- im such a cheap ass sometimes!! i really wanted it too- but $10 for a pin that is about the size of a bottle cap just didn't seem right to me.

our next destination was crafty planet (it's right next store). very cool store with awesome fabric. but when you don't know how to sew you end up leaving depressed- because you think of all the things you could make if you could actually sew. (note to self... add that to the list of things i want to learn). next stop was dabble... this was another store i have wanted to go to since we tried going to rewind for the first time. what a disappointment. cute stuff- but the store itself was tiny... i think they have more on the website then they do in the store. needless to say i didn't purchase anything here either.

while we were in rewind i asked the amazing lady (she was by far the friendliest retail employee i've met in.... forever!) oh- yea.. ok.. so i asked her if they were ever able to track items down for people.... i proceeded to tell her i desperately wanted an old school plastic kool aid pitcher and the mugs that go with it... she suggested i try this store on raymond and 280. i told katie about and it that was where we were heading. another really cool store.. but they didn't have my pitcher. and i couldn't find anything else that i just had to have....

starving and dehydrated we figured we should eat. seeing as how i am not supposed to eat real food our options were very limited. i suggested chili's. it has soup- it isn't healthy... but it's still soup. so here it is... i cheated today... i ate chili's broccoli cheese soup and some chips. it was sooo good......... at the time. when we stood up to leave i realized maybe that wasn't a good idea. i felt like someone had put a brick in my stomach and that i was going to explode if i moved the wrong way.

dick blick was right next door and i remembered getting an e-mail about a back to school sale they were having. so we stopped- we both needed canvas and i wanted to get new colored pencils for the shrinky dinks i am going to make after surgery. i ended up spending about $40 and left feeling really motivated to be creative.

well.. geez i never intended this to be a long blog... i guess sometimes i just have a lot to say!!! when we got home katie had to get ready to go babysit and i was still feeling sick. i sat down for about 15 minutes and then out of nowhere i got really motivated to work out. i ran upstairs changed clothes and went downstairs with my mp3 player and rode 4 miles on the stationary bike and walked on the treadmill for about 15 minutes.

i feel really good right now. i had a great day with a dear friend, a great little workout and now my family is home. tomorrow.. i am off to the zoo and then to my brother and sister in laws to watch barnyard with theo.

i am now off to kick my mothers ass at a game of cribbage.

ciao!

i really tried.....

i am just getting ready to leave work for the night... and i figured since it's quiet in here and im on a roll with being productive i'd take a minute to blog. but for some really odd reason the page in which you write your blog won't load correctly... making it very hard to look at.

so... for now i am going to run home, have some dinner (or liquids I should say) and head out the door to pick up some things for tomorrow night. i'll do my very best to write more later...

til then... ciao!!

unofficial first

this is my unofficial first blog (well, here at least).

my life has always been in a constant state of change. in just 9 days my life will be changing again. im not sure if i'm ready for it or not. i tell myself i am... but i don't think i really have any idea what i am in for.

im sure you're wondering what the hell im talking about... and i promise- when it's not 1am and im not exhausted i will explain.

it is now that wonderful time of an almost fall night... where i open my window... crawl into my bed and close my eyes and fall asleep knowing that tomorrow is another day.